Obama’s First Month: The Baby Book
NICOLE CATÁ (New York, New York)
Like a high proportion of Columbia students, Nicole dutifully obeyed her impulses toward political involvement this fall when she joined the BarackObama.com listserver, receiving email after email from David Plouffe, Michelle Obama, and, of course, from the man who is now the President of the United States. After returning to her room from dancing in the streets on November 4th, Nicole learned that the barrage of messages from Barack and his political strategists would continue into his presidency, as there was apparently more work to be done for America. It seems that the prize for winning the election wasn’t four years in sunny Crawford, TX (someone should have told the last guy). Nicole couldn’t, however, have predicted the volume of emails she would receive post-November detailing the highlights of Obama’s presidency. The message that tickled her the most, which she received from Mitch Stewart, was entitled: ”President’s first prime time press conference.” To Nicole, Stewart’s syntax was oddly reminiscent of the narrative structure of a typical baby book. And so, without further ado, the redheaded fourth of BOTO takes Stewart’s formulation to its logical conclusion after the jump:
President’s First Demonstration of Respect for Human Rights
Don’t you wish you could include a “Baby closes Guantánamo Bay” entry in your baby book? Nicole can just see it now: ”And here’s where he reversed the most controversial counterterrorism policies of the Bush administration! Oh, and doesn’t the Oval Office suit him well? See how much better he plays with the UN than that bully, George?”
President’s First Stimulus Bill
“My baby took measures to keep the economy afloat! Don’t worry, though: I’m sure your daughter accomplished just as much on February 10th! ’Lizzy’s First Piano Recital’ is nothing to sneeze at in the face of an $838 billion economic stimulus plan that could represent the most comprehensive anti-recession measure since FDR was in office.”
President’s First Overseas Trip Since Being Inaugurated
Yes, she uses the term “overseas” loosely here, but Nicole feels that plenty of events encapsulated in baby books take very liberal poetic licenses: for instance, her “First Word” was “Dubos,” which ostensibly means “Cheerios” in a lost dialect of American English. At any rate, Obama’s meeting with Stephen Harper demonstrated the president’s commitment to political goodwill with the Good North Strong and Free and hopefully did not sound anything like this.
Oh, wait.
President’s First Cabinet Failure
All right, Nicole will admit that the resignation of Tom Daschle may not make the Obama Baby Book. Enshrining the memory of the day the nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services resigned for not having paid his taxes may not make the neighbors jealous. Nor would she mention Judd Gregg, the second potential Commerce Secretary to withdraw from consideration (this time over discrepancies with the Obama administration over census and stimulas-package policies), although she would be tempted to praise the Republicans’ ability to compromise with the other side of the aisle. Thankfully, she would not have to mention Bill Richardson, who withdrew his nomination for Commerce Secretary before Obama was sworn in. A simple “sweetie, you simply must learn to vet your potential cabinet members!” should do the trick.
President’s First Confrontation With Rush Limbaugh
Many a mother would be tempted to omit this incidence from their baby books as well, but Nicole would absolutely include it. Pacifism be damned, no mother is prouder than when her baby stands up to the school bully! Bring it on, Boy-Who-Cried-Socialism!
What say ye, gentle reader? What would you include in a book of “Presidential Firsts”?
Nicole Catá is a rising junior at Columbia University. She is honored to serve as your humble co-editor and snark-provider. Nicole respectfully reminds you to make way for ducklings. Read more.
